Thursday, February 10, 2011

Who are you listening to?

Have you ever grown overwhelmed with hopelessness and fear as you think about this world and all its troubles? It seems I have done this a lot lately. I think about this country and those leading it(and where they are leading it), I think about the unrest of countries around the world(that seem to never have felt rest or peace), and I think about my generation and what they are doing with their lives and what they are teaching their children(who then teach MY children). With all of these problems it leads my thoughts to despair. I can't believe how vulnerable people today(and I guess forever) are to the destruction of the Devil. How can they not see that their decisions are causing pain to those around them, not to mention their own spirit? How can they not recognize how unhappy they are? And if they do recognize it, shouldn't that be enough to want to change? I ask myself these questions and more(usually with tears streaming) completely confused about the world today and always come up with the same answer.
Satan is good at what he does. He plays us against ourselves. We knew we would make mistakes, but somehow we forget that we can come back. There comes a point when Satan tells us we have gone too far and are not wanted anymore, and can't return. He tells us that everyone can see our sins written on our forehead and hate us because of them. He tells us we are worthless and ugly. Eventually if we listen to him long enough we begin to believe him. That belief can then become knowledge and it snowballs from there. A great big snowball of pain and anguish.
I know this is how it works because I have felt all of these things. I listened to the wrong voice. I paid very close attention to it and began hating myself, thinking that no one would ever love me, least of all Heavenly Father.
It took a very dear friend of mine to change that thinking. She merely repeated the opposite over and over until I thought that it was possible. I felt the joy of her love to me and began to doubt that awful voice telling me I was nothing. She bore her testimony often in everyday conversation until I could feel the Holy Ghost again(through her). The stark contrast from what I was feeling(or lack of feeling) everyday and what she was introducing again in my life was amazingly strong. It was enough to help me want to change and turn to Christ.
I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I know He loves you. I know that He feels pain when we feel pain. I know that He wants to take it away from us terribly, but we have to turn to Him. He is waiting with open arms aching to heal our hearts. It is possible to return. We all have worth in His eyes. I know these things because He tells me often. He will tell you too if you listen. . .often and hard enough. God does not give us the feeling of fear. That comes from a different source. However, God does take fear away if we let Him.
I thank my sweet friend Alyson for being strong enough for both of us. I thank you more than you know. I am eternally thankful for the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ because it has been a miracle in my life. I know the Savior personally through the Atonement and know that I am loved. I now pay close attention to the Holy Ghost and His promptings daily. I can recognize when I am being influenced by Satan and do what I can to counteract that. I realize that the overwhelming sense of doom I feel when I think too hard about all the pain and suffering in the world is not from my Heavenly Father and I then turn to Him for comfort and guidance. I am studying the Gospel of Jesus Christ and pray that I can live it through service and obedience. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.