I have been thinking. I am trying to identify who I am and what I do. I know that I am a Child of God. I know I am a wife and mother however I feel that I could be better at fulfilling both of those roles. I know I have a teaching degree and have taught for several years, but don't feel completely secure in my teaching or musical abilities. I know my physical ailments and shortcomings, but also some of my strengths. I know I enjoy reading a good book, creating some unique cards, and playing the piano and singing. I know that I like to have my house clean, but the process is not always as enjoyed as the product. I know that I like to make hair bows to put in my girls' freshly done-up hair. I know that I enjoy spending time with people. Be it a lot of people of just one or two, however I am constantly unsure of myself and how I interact with them.
So here is the problem. When I find myself with the opportunity to spend some time without obligations, I don't know what to do. I always find something to do, but it doesn't leave me feeling emotionally refreshed. Does that make sense? I don't know what makes me happy. That leaves me wondering if I truly know Mindi. Not Cailyn, Jessica, and David's mom; not Jason's wife; not Sister or Mrs. Holloway, but Mindi. When I have time for Mindi, I feel lost.
Happy New Year!
2 months ago
5 comments:
I know how you feel, sometimes I wonder what to do with myself when I have nothing else to do or I am alone. Isn't it funny how we get so caught up in the world being a mom, or a wife, or doing our callings, that when it is time for ourselves we just aren't sure who we are or what to do. If you figure out how to solve this, let me know...:)
Interesting...I think we all have been there at sometime in our life. We work so hard to be the best mother, best wife, best neighbor, best friend that in the process we lose ourself. We forget to take care of ourselves. Does that make sense? The solution is a process and takes a while to develop.
I have two thoughts that worked for me. I can't promise they will work for you because we are two different people but maybe it will get you thinking and help you on a path so you can truly know yourself.
1. To expereince true joy in this life we have to put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself third. We are all good about the first two but foget that we have to take time for ourself too and true joy is not just jo...its joy so spend some time for yourself each day. The world would have you put yourself first and that spells yjo which is not true joy either. Its three things that if you take time for daily will help you feel joy and fulfillment. It could be reading a book, exercising, playig the piano. It could be for 5 minutes or 1 hour just as long as you take time each day for yourself you will begin to see a change in your life and realize things you like to do and who you really are.
2. When I didn't know who I was or what to do with myself except laundry and cleaning and etc. I realized I truly didn't love being a mom or a wife. Was I of worth, did anyone notice what I was doing, what was the purpose to mop the dirty floor again when they would spill juice 10 minutes after I finished. It was then our stake president's wife told me if you expect to be validated and loved by your children and husband then they will fail you 95 % of the time. The only person who can truly understand and love you is your Savior because he has perfect love for you. It was then I realized that I mattered to Him. He was proud of me and loved me no matter my faults and I begin to look at my life so differently. I didn't need the book clubs and girls night because I got my worth and validation when I knelt in prayer and talked to him about my day and felt peace and developed a deeper relationship with my savior than I had ever had. My marriage and relationship with my children improved and I truly found myself when I realized and really got that I am a daughter of god who loves me and that was all I needed to get through the day. Are there still hard days yes but I am able to laugh about then at night in prayer and be happy that I am doing the best thing in my life. I might not be famous but I am a mom and wife to four wonderful people who think I am the best. And that is all I need.
I hope this make sense. I love you. Hang in there, you will find the answer...it might take awhile but I know you will.
In my opinion you have perfectly put into words how many moms feel. It gets so easy to lose personal identity when you become a wife and a mother. Maybe you could experiment. Perhaps you could schedule a little time for yourself every week (I know, easier said than done) and try reading, or crafting, or singing, or shopping, and see what leaves you feeling fulfilled and what doesn't. I also have found that I am most refreshed when I make time to read my scriptures and pray daily (also easier said than done). Good luck!
It sounds like you need to spend a little more time with Mindi and get to know the real, unassuming, fun-loving, enjoyable Mindi. She's wonderful.
I don't know all those other Mindis since I knew you before you were a wife, mother and teacher, but the Mindi I know is pretty fun!
I hope you have some good 'me time' soon! I have a book of things I like and don't like. I write them down as I think of them. (actually I draw pictures of them) so when I forget what I like or who I am, at least I know what I like! (and don't like)
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