Running

I had a very detailed dream last night. It was very insightful and frightening at the same time. I am trying to write this down before I get so distracted that I forget. I have already forgotten enough already. Here is how it goes.

I am jogging/running on a residential road. Running past houses and
feeling the cool air breeze across my face and make its way through my
hair. I am enjoying the time alone and the feeling of accomplishing a
goal. All of a sudden another female runner passes me. Not really
fast, just a steady pass. She doesn't seem to notice me until I say
'hello'. She politely says hello and to enjoy my run. As I am
running behind her she slowly gets farther and farther away, but I begin to
realize that she is me. Not me as I am now, but a perfect version of
me. I began to examine her closer and was able to see her deeply.

She was in great shape. She had a real, happy smile. She was
enjoying her run, but was excited to spend the day with her children. She
never raises her voice to them and always uses a gentle hand. She never
complains about her chores. She cheerfully cuts coupons and pinches
pennies. She lovingly supports her husband's work/school/church
obligations without any complaints. She magnifies her own
calling. She recognizes when she needs help and asks for it when the time
calls. She offers help to other mothers who are struggling. She
provides healthy, delicious meals to her family and patiently helps her children
eat them. She never moans about personal sacrifice for her family and
loved ones, just readjusts her schedule and life for them. She sets goals
and works very hard to reach them. She studies the Gospel everyday for an
hour just after her run. She makes sure that her family does FHE every
week and reads/studies the scriptures daily. She has family prayers many
times a day. She bears her testimony to her children and helps them
to find theirs. I could go on and on. Like I said, she is the
perfect version of me.

Eventually she is so far ahead of me that I can no longer see her. I
am then left with the much less perfect me, almost hobbling along at this
point.

That is the last thing I remember before I was woken up this morning.

I think it is interesting that I was running in the dream because I want to be a runner. I have wanted to be a runner for quite some time now. I try to force myself into it, but lose steam. It is like I am trying to be something I can't. Just like the dream. I am trying to force myself to be this perfect Mindi, but I will never catch up. There are times when I can be a little closer to her, but only in 1 or 2 ways at a time.

So I am torn today. Was this dream a way of telling me that I can never be her, or was it showing me what I could be if I keep pushing myself. I guess it could be both, huh?

I will settle on this: If I keep working diligently to accomplish my goals I can accomplish remarkable things, but I will have to put my trust in the Lord and His atonement to actually catch up to 'perfect Mindi'. With the Lord in my life/heart I CAN be her.