Emotional

I am down today and I don't know why. It started last night and is lingering into today. Most of the time if it starts at night it will be gone after a nights rest, however, I am not sleeping well so I am now more frustrated in the morning than I was the previous evening. It makes me mad at me for being impatient with others(which is typically my family because that is who I am around), but when it happens I don't care until the feeling goes away. I am a pretty moody female, but I should have control over that, right? It is not like I am new to these hormones.

I guess sometimes I just need some time to myself that isn't just sleep(but I need that too). But, when I go to ask for that time, I feel selfish because I know that Jason needs it too(and what would I do anyway). I feel trapped sometimes in this predicament.

I also am missing close friends. I have several, but most of them are from Waco or college and none of them live here(and they work during the day so I can't call them). All of the people in our Branch who I would hang out with all live in another town(which is long distance) and it is difficult to meet up with them.

I am itching for adult interaction. I usually get plenty with Jason in the evenings, however, Wednesday night he had to be at church(after going to a work dinner party) and last night he went out with the missionaries and wasn't home until 9:30. I know, I know, this is just sad and pathetic that I can't handle 2 nights without Jason when many other women deal with weeks or months without their husbands, or are single moms. I am a pansy when it comes to taking care of my children alone. I have been spoiled(thank you Babe).

So, today I thought that I would try and find some kids to play with and some adults to talk to(considering that Friday is a long day for Jason at work). I am a last minute planner and have been having trouble finding someone to meet up with. But, as I am writing this, I just received a phone call from a sister in our Branch and they will meet us for lunch. I am ecstatic. She is really fun to talk to and my girls LOVE their girls(and their son too). I know that it will be crazy there, because it always is, but it will be completely worth it. Now I am counting down the minutes until we leave. I hope that this play date will take care of my blues. I need to be nicer to my children and especially my husband(he does so much for me and the girls). It would nice if he came home to a happy family(especially at the beginning of the weekend).

As I have reread this to make sure it truly expresses my feelings today, I discovered that it makes me sound like an absolute baby. I need to look at my life and see the blessings(and there are MANY) instead of the struggles. I look at my girls who are so sweet. I don't have difficult children and I take that for granted often. How ungrateful am I? I have a loving husband who takes over when I am at my end(which happens more often than I want to admit). He is a faithful disciple of Christ(who leads our family well), a worthy priesthood holder(and willingly uses it), holds a temple recommend, he has a steady job which pays the bills, he works hard to finish his degree, and not to mention he is absolutely gorgeous(which works out because then his kids are beautiful). I have a home, food on my table, clothes on my back, and I live in a free country. I have a loving family(both extended and immediate). And most of all I have a loving Heavenly Father who sends His Spirit to comfort and guide me when I accept it. I have blessings that I can't even begin to count and here I am complaining about my life. I have more than most in this world and I know that those things come from Heavenly Father. Most of all at this time of year I need to look at the miracle of our Savior and His sacrifice for us. I need to share that love and kindness. I pray at this time(when I am down) that I can see my blessings and help others to feel of our Saviors love. I do know that our Savior lives and loves us. I know that he is aware of each of us and our struggles. I know that if we follow the plan that he set for us and use the Atonement which He provides for us in our lives then we can return to Him. I love my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ Amen.