Dillinger

The other day I watched a kid from our Branch while his mom was working and Grandma had a doctor appointment. He is a couple of months younger than Cailyn. Cailyn was soooooo excited to have a friend over to play until Dillinger wanted to kill or break everything that Cailyn was playing with. OK, so I have been taking a nap everyday for several weeks now, but I didn't get one that day and was cranky to say the least. Dillinger had a really hard time hearing me I guess, because it took at least 3 or 4 times of me giving instructions before he would obey. He is a really good kid, it was just his first time at our house and he didn't know our rules. AND I didn't know the best way to work with him. Obviously what I do with my girls wasn't working with him. Now, I was originally told that I would have him for 2 hours, but it ended up being 4. I was exhausted and out of what little patience I had to start with. I think that Cailyn had a good time overall though. At one point all 3 kids were playing together. Jessica was the monster and would chase the other kids around. It was really cute until the big kids knocked Jessica over and we were graced with Jessica shriek.

"OOOO, what can I get into?"

Dillinger loved to show off for the camera.

This is Dillinger taking the bowl from Cailyn. Can you tell we didn't even touch her hair that day?

Look at that "monster" face that she put on. She is such a little actress. (I am kidding, she always makes that face when she screams--I would make her the monster too)

My cup overfloweth

Cailyn told me tonight that she wanted to watch the movie, Charly. I agree, knowing that she wouldn't make it through the entire thing. I have always been one of those girls that watched cry movies. I have never really needed to watch them with someone, I just like them. Those times have changed though for obvious reasons(I guess I don't need help to start the flood anymore). I particularly can't watch Charly because of the cicumstances of her death, the beginning is fine though. Part of me is excited that Cailyn will watch "girly" movies with me(Jason detests them). So, Jason headed out with the Missionaries tonight, Jessica was ready for bed, and Cailyn and I sat down to watch our "chick flick". She got her blanket and we sat cuddled together on the futon. As it is with all movies and Cailyn, we discussed the reasoning behind each scene and the decisions of the characters(including Charly's immodest clothing at the beginning, of course).
Then all of a sudden I was hit with this enormous feeling of love for my beautiful daughter. I felt as though my heart couldn't hold all this emotion. Then I started thinking of the love that our Father in Heaven has for each of us and was istantly humbled. It is so easy to distract ourselves with everyday life and responsibilities that we forget who we are and where we can turn for unconditional and unending love. I can't even fathom the heartache He felt as He put His Only Begotten through so much pain and anguish. Even though He knew that was the only way, it must have been so utterly painful. And all of that was for me and you. The love that has been shown us through that one event is unmeasureable, yet many times I think it gets overlooked or diminished somehow. I pray that I can show my Heavenly Father and my Savior my love for them through my life's actions. That I can be the kind of parent that my children deserve and that His image is shown in my countenance. I know that my Redeemer Lives and loves me to the end. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Are we dizzy yet?

This is one of our favorite activities! I get dizzy just watching them.

Does that mean that I am getting old?

Bubbles Galore!

I am sure that all of you will agree with me that kids are sooo adorable in the bath. I love to see them sitting in a mountain of bubbles with smiles as wide as they can go. My girls love to take baths. They would stay in the tub all day if I would let them(and if there was some kind of magic to keep the water warm).

I live for that smile!!

Water, Water Everywhere!

Last Friday the girls and I headed to the nearest spray park. We had been talking about it for a while, but had been receiving a lot of rain so that prevented us from actually doing it until then. I love these parks because they are FREE, the girls LOVE them, and it is doable for me in the heat. In fact the only thing I don't like about it is the parents/grandparents who smoke while they are there with the children.

Cailyn getting soaked in the water.

"Is this one working?"

"yep"

Cailyn made sure the water kept going.

For a little while the water stopped and wouldn't come back on, and my girls were the only ones that stayed by the water.

So, we used our monthly Chick-fil-A coupon to get some lunch and headed over to the park. There were many kids there, which is great for Cailyn(she gets bored with just Jessica). Jess loves it too though because she is a people watcher(and she loves to take peoples' shoes). Overall we had a great time. We will be taking more trips over there while school is in. I suspect that the crowds won't be as bad.

Adorable Giveaway!

So, I read about all these giveaways on my sister-in-laws blog quite frequently, but I have never really taken the time to check them out. However, I saw the pictures on her blog of the potential giveaway and I fell in love. These clothes are absolutely adorable. Please check it out!

http://ivyandmae.blogspot.com/

A Banker's Daughters

Whenever we have spare change we get the girls' piggy bank down and let them go to town saving their money. This is something that they both LOVE to do. They love to hear the sound of the money hitting the other coins. I think it is adorable. We haven't really ever given them the option of spending any of this money so it isn't like we are 'teaching' them to save, they just enjoy the process of putting the coins away.

A temporary moment of sharing. :)

Jessica finds this to be serious bussiness.

Cailyn having fun while saving $$$$.

One Month

Today marks one full month since Mom passed. I have tried so hard to not think about it, but it is haunting me. So, I started using my 'tools' to try and work through my emotions rather than run from them(my extremely HOT therapist's suggestion). I have started a journal entry about the past several months(I am not very consistent with my journal). I feel that if I write them down I don't have to keep running them through in my head; seeing images and revisiting extremely strong emotions. So, I sat to add to that, and of course cried through it. Then, when I felt strong again, my sister called after a very emotionally hard day. I immediately started crying with her. I feel like crying is really good to do also, but I am tired of crying so hard that I can't breathe. And, at the same time I feel somehow lifted after releasing some of that with her.

There are days and moments when I feel like I am healing from all of this, and then the other moments when I feel trapped in a bubble with life happening around me. I know that I am healing, it is just harder than I want it to be. The realization is the thing I don't want to face, yet I can never avoid it.

As I stop to pray and ponder of the potential growth that I can receive I feel blessed that Mom can give that to me as well as her lifetime of example. I feel so inadequate, like I should be able to show more for it. I realize that will come in time, but I wish I didn't feel so weak. People have told me that they admire my strength, but I feel like a fragile piece of china that needs to be handled with care or shatter to pieces.

I do want to bear my Testimony. I know that my Mom is happy and at peace. I know and feel that my Heavenly Father loves me and sends comfort in the way that I need it most. I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is here on the Earth today and is led by Jesus Christ through our dear prophet Thomas S. Monson. I know that the Book of Mormon is true and can give us guidance if we will let it. Most of all I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I know that he suffered for me. Not only for my sins but he also felt my heartaches and knows my heart better than I do. I trust in my Savior and know that if I follow Him I will be healed and given the strength to lift others the way you all have lifted me. I love my Heavenly Father, His son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Stomach bug and a little venting

We have had a rough couple of days. This whole week Jessica has been sick. She wasn't eating, that was our first sign(she is usually our human garbage disposal), but the second sign was more obvious. She started throwing up in the middle of the night.

Because I married such a wonderful man, he got up to take care of it. He even washed the linens and clothes that were infected before he came back to bed. I LOVE YOU JASON! I owe you big time!

When Jessica finally got over that, she had to go to the doctor for her 1-year shots. I know, I know, she is late, but better late than never. However, for those of you who don't know, the 1-year shots include 5 different pricks. She was MAD! Now, she is suffering from the effects of that. She is back to not eating and throwing up + Cailyn has decided to join her. So, last night around 1:30 Jessica throws up in her bed. As soon as we take care of that, Cailyn comes in to tell me that she doesn't feel well, and throws up all over my bed, the carpet, and the bathroom. So, we go to work cleaning. Finally we get the girls back to bed and we crawl into an unmade bed with blankets. Jason gets up about 3-hours later to go to his Branch presidency meeting asking me on the way out, "are you coming to church today?" ME:" I don't know, call me in-between your meetings and I will let you know." So, about 2 hours later Jason calls and the girls and I are already getting dressed. Yeah for us, we made it to Church.
Reasons I felt we HAD to go:
#1 I was asked to play the keyboard for Sacrament meeting
#2 I wasn't sure Cailyn's teacher would be there and I had prepared a lesson.
#3 Cailyn was asked to share a scripture and she worked hard all week to memorize it.
#4 I had an interview with a member of the Stake Presidency for my temple recommend
#5 I had an Activities Committee meeting planned(the first one)

So, we go. I played the keyboard without any mishaps :) and we headed to Primary. I walk up with Cailyn to help her. We had worked all week on her using a loud voice(NO Microphone) so everyone can hear her. Well, she started using a loud voice and the kids started laughing at her. Of course she stops and looks at me. I tell her to start again using a normal voice, but she was practically whispering. The kids giggled every time she started until I looked up at them and gave them my best 'Death Look'(I had to because the Primary Presidency didn't do anything). No one could hear her, but me who was standing so close to her that our cheeks were practically touching. But, she did it(laughing kids and all) and I am proud of her.
I was so mad that I was fighting to keep my tears from falling. She had worked so hard and a bunch of rude kids prevented her from doing her best. As soon as I could I picked up my bags and left the primary room in search of Jason. Luckily he was right outside the door and I knelt by him and told him, but I couldn't keep the tears from flowing hard. I struggled to keep the sobs quiet. He and I knew I needed to leave, so he helped me get Jessica packed up and I left, fuming. Why did I let something like that get to me? I try really hard to not be easily offended, but I am still angry about it now, after 2(yes 2) naps.
I did go back for my interview and my meeting. It ended up a very productive day, but I guess I can't always put on a 'happy face' for Church.

So, to end on a happier note, here is a little video of Cailyn saying the scripture she memorized. I hope you enjoy!

Father Cory

Emma Anelle Gropp

Born: Tuesday, August 5, 2008 9:20ish PM

(again, incomplete information)

Weight: 8 lbs. 1 ounce

Height: 21 inches

According to 'Da' Emma was born with rolls on her legs. He says she was the

rolly-pollyist newborn he has ever seen. I think in actuality he was just ecstatic to be there and share in that joyous event with his son. I am glad that he is there too, for all of them(especially Emma).

I just wanted everyone to be able to enjoy another adorable Gropp baby.

My sources tell me that Emma and Andrea have already had much success with nursing.

Yeah for them!

Cory kissing his sweet baby.

Andrea and Emma at the hospital.

Emma's first bath.

Emma warming in a towel.

Proud Mommy and Daddy of Emma Anelle

I love you both, Cory and Andrea and I know that Emma will be

very happy because of both of you. Good luck!

(for those of you who left me your embarrassing moment I thank you. Everyone else, even though you are pansies, read them they are hilarious)

Embarrassing Moment

There are 2 pianists in my Branch and one of them is me. The other is a member of the Branch Presidency, so the months that he is conducting I get to play in Sacrament meeting. That just so happens to be this month. The songs that were chosen were songs that I had never heard before, much less played before. So, I was a bit nervous(that is not an excuse, just the facts). Did I mention that the other pianist is an accomplished player? Yeah, he is amazing! Anyway, I played the required prelude music and then the meeting began. When the time came for me to play I was trying to act confident, but it didn't work so well.

***NO-I didn't wet my pants, so just get that out of your heads.***

So, the song starts and I realize that the volume on the keyboard(oh yeah, we don't have a real piano or organ-just a keyboard) was still set for prelude. Thinking I was cool enough to pull this off(why I thought this, I will never know?) I try to turn the volume up while playing a brand new song and instead I press the demo button. For those of you not familiar with keyboards, this is the button that plays the songs previously recorded on the keyboard. OK, so I am playing with a quiet keyboard and a totally different song is playing on top of that. Yeah, so the chorister turns around to look at me and everyone stops singing to stare(which is probably what I would have done). I frantically try to stop the sound, apologizing the entire time(most definitely bright red). I look around and most of the congregation is laughing(me included--the only graceful way to make a huge mistake like that right?) Once I got everything back to normal I explain what happened and say,"Well, we all need to do this song again anyway, right?" Giggling, we start again. I was mortified. The brother conducting the meeting stands to continue the meeting after the song and says,"Thank you Sister Holloway for making sure we are all awake. I have found that when you are sitting at the piano, organ, or in this case, a keyboard, there is nowhere to hide. You handled that much better than I would have." The meeting proceeds as normal from there. So, now it is your turn to share an embarrassing moment. Leave me a comment sharing something that you can always look back on and remember how embarrassed you felt.

Happy 6th Anniversary to us!

Jason and I met in January of 2002. We were in the same Singles' Ward in Boise, ID. I started hanging out with his group of friends/roommates. Jason and I became good, good friends. During spring break in March we figured out that we both liked the other one(secretly) and decided to date. A week later I met his family(technically I had already met Travis before Jason and I started dating). Through a few DTR conversations and finally coming to realization that I couldn't live without him(it took me a little longer) we got engaged(of course following proper procedure--Jason asked my Dad first).

On August 8, 2002 Jason David Holloway and Mindi Gropp were sealed for time and all eternity in the Boise, ID Temple.

This was at the Boise EFY right after our sealing. Jason had won a songwriting competition and part of the deal was performing that day. We were able to be an object lesson to the youth that day. What a fun, unique experience!

Cailyn's 2nd Easter. I basically had to pull Jason's arm off to get him to wear a pink tie. Thanks, Dad for letting him borrow it.

A trip to Idaho. Family pictures and we got a quick one together.

Cailyn's 2nd Christmas. We got a family shot at the Ward Christmas party.

Step back girls, he is mine. jk He is so cute. I love his smile.

Identity crisis

I was talking with my Branch President tonight and I told him that I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. He had been writing, but he stopped and looked up at me. He asked me what I like to do for fun. I couldn't come up with an answer for him. He then asked me how often Jason and I go on dates. My answer: "Not very often. Our goal this year is 8 dates and we have almost met that already." He then offered to babysit the girls for us so we could go out more often. How nice, but they live probably about 40 minutes from anything. So, we would have to drive past 'the sticks' to give them the girls and then back to town for the date and then back 'past the sticks' to pick them back up. Convenient? It was very nice of him to offer, though.

Bigger problem: I don't know what I like to do for fun! You know, what makes me Mindi. Not a mommy, or a wife, but Mindi. It's not like I haven't tried many different things. I tried quilting like so many other people do and love. I have tried scrap booking. I have tried gardening. I have even tried to make myself like working out. I just can't seem to find my nitch. I do like to read, but I feel like I am wasting time doing that(does that mean I don't like it enough?) Cooking and baking--only sporadically. I love music, but I don't have the time to do that(really my girls just don't let me play and sing without interruption--the way it should be).

Does anyone have suggestions on how to find Mindi?

I find myself in a weird place and I don't know what to do about it. I am trying to get back to life and move on from the nightmare I have lived for several months, but I don't know how. I am writing my posts and trying to keep them upbeat, yet I feel almost disrespectful to my Mom for doing so-OR I feel like it is somehow fake. Most of the time I can move from moment to moment just like normal, but if I stop to rehash the events of the past months I fall apart. Trials are supposed to make us stronger right? Why do I not feel that way? How do I move on? These are things I would usually talk to Mom about, but I can't. I do talk to Jason, but what do you say to someone who has just lost a parent or loved one? I can't even come up with something to say to my siblings, so how can I expect more from Jason. I do feel comfort that I have the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that if I make good choices I can be with her again, but that seems so far away and I want her close right now. Hugs are always a good thing(sometimes just because the one hugging me can't see my ugly cry face).
As I stop and think of all my blessings, even through this trial, I am overwhelmed by the love shown me and my family. I think of the many people who are facing the same trial, but harder. I think of the pain that was spared my mother and the strength she showed to everyone around her as she lay on her death bed. She loved people and constantly cared for them in anyway possible. I pray that I can make her proud by standing for righteousness the way she did.
Most of all I love her dearly and miss her deeply.

Home Again!

"We are going home today"

It is always fun to see how elated you are to be home in the actions of our little ones. Immediately Cailyn and Jessica started spinning circles in our living room and looking for their long lost toys. They were so excited to be home and couldn't hold it into their little bodies.

Jessica started crawling and climbing on things. What a little monkey, as Jason puts it.

I love that I can put Jess' hair up in a cute little ponytail now.

Not the best picture, but they are gorgeous aren't they?

"WE ARE HOME"

(of course in that squeal that only Jessica can do)

The Spray Park!

While in Waco, we had to come up with some things to keep the kids happy. It got really hot(I know, big surprise) and they didn't just want to play outside, but we couldn't keep them inside all day either. So, we took them down to the spray park. They loved it. The water actually comes out kind of cold. That is great! We got some lunch and ate there with some good friends, the Mayfields. It was great. Where were all these little water parks when I was a kid? Jessica loved it more than Cailyn did. Cailyn would just run around singing and dancing instead of playing in the water. She would make sure she was wet, but not really play in it.

Jessica ran to the water and put her face in it.

Maycie holding Jessica

The girls getting wet.

That stream is actually pretty hard, so that face is a look of pain probably.

Yep, that is Jessica sitting right there in the water.

I love this little water baby!

Cailyn is the one on the right, both girls in this

picture have the exact same swimsuit.

I had to do a double take several times to see

that it was Cailyn before I took the picture.

Cailyn is so content playing by herself,

with no water coming out of the holes in the ground.

Maycie was so good at watching Jessica and making sure she was safe.

Can we say water up the nose?

When will I learn to keep swimmer diapers with me?

GROSS!!!!